70+ Hilariously Funny Football Jokes, Puns & One-Liners

Hilariously Funny Football Jokes & Puns

Are you looking for some good, witty, hilarious and funny football jokes, puns and one-liners?

We got you covered.

American football is an intriguing sport that keeps fans on their toes.

However, aside from the tactical and physical play that holds your interest, it has its share of hilarious jokes that will leave you hooting in laughter.

The following is a compilation of some funny football jokes and puns to indulge you.

Funny Football Jokes

How to keep the Detroit Lions out of your front yard

1. Q: 20 Viking’s fans in a basement are called what?

A: A wine cellar.

2. Q: What was the result of the joke that Carson Wentz told his receivers?

A: It went over their heads.

3. Q: How can you keep the Detroit Lions out of your front yard?

A: By putting up a goal post.

4. Q: Atlanta Falcons and possums have what in common?

A: They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

5. Q: Do you know the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?

A: You can still get four quarters from a dollar bill.

6. Q: Why do 49ers fans smells so bad?

A: So that blind people can hate them as well.

7. Q: Nebraska and marijuana have what in common?

A: Both get smoked in a bowl.

8. Q: What did the average Patriot player get on the Wonderlic test?

A: Drool.

9. Q: For what reason are Seattle Seahawks players claiming to have the Swine Flu?

A: So they don’t have to touch the pigskin!

10. Q: What do Billy Graham and the Jacksonville Jaguars have in common?

A: Both can make seventy thousand people scream Jesus Christ.

11. Q: The football went to the bank for what reason?

A: To get his QUARTERBACK.

12. Q: A mass gathering of Raider’s fans is called what?

A: Prison.

13. Q: What would a fan of Minnesota Vikings do when his team wins the Super Bowl?

A: He turns up the PlayStation 3.

14. Q: How many San Francisco 49er’s fans would be required to change a light bulb?

A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out!

15. Q: What did the wild receiver say to the football?

A: Catch you later.

Hilarious Football Puns

NFL team with the coolest helmets — Puns About Football

16. Q: Do you know the difference between a New England Patriots fan and Carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

17. Q: In case of a tornado, where will you go to in Chicago?

A: Soldier Field- they never get a touchdown there!

18. Q: A genius sitting in the Texas A&M student section will be called what?

A: A visitor.

19. Q: Why do Corn Husker football players like smart women?

A: Opposite attract.

20. Q: A drug ring in Baltimore is called what?

A: A Huddle.

21. Q: A Raiders fan and a bottle of beer have what in common?

A: Both are empty from the neck up.

22. Q: Fifty-three millionaire gathered around a TV watching the Super Bowl is called what?

A: The Dallas Cowboy.

23. Q: Why do pigeons fly over Ford field upside down?

A: There is nothing worth crapping on.

24. Q: What is the difference between a Dallas Cowboys fan and a baby?

A: The baby will stop whining after a while.

25. Be yourself unless you can be Patrick Mahomes.

26. Q: A car contains a cowboy’s running back, a cowboy’s linebacker, and a Dallas cowboy’s defensive back who is driving the car?

A: The cop.

27. Q: What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

A: Please give me my quarterback!

28. Q: Which NFL team has the coolest helmets?

A: The one with the most fans.

29. Q: After retirement, where do old quarterbacks go?

A: Out to pass-ture.

30. Q: Where do football players go shopping for a new jersey?

A: New Jersey.

Good Jokes About Football

The only time you can knock someone out and not go to jail for it — Jokes about Football

31. Q: When you cross two football teams with the Invincible Man, what do you get?

A: A game of football like you’ve never seen.

32. Q: When you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders together, what do you have?

A: A full set of teeth.

33. Q: What are the three longest years of a Mizzou football player’s life?

A: His freshman year.

34. Q: How would you know if a Georgia football player has a girlfriend?

A: You would see tobacco juice on both sides of his F-150.

35. Q: How do you get a Texas A&M player off your front step?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

36. Q: What do democracy and football have in common?

A: Adding the word American changes the meaning completely.

37. Q: What is Al Qaeda’s favorite football team?

A: The New York jets.

38. Q: The football at capital Hill was such a good game…

A: The Patriot’s defense was so bad, but they still somehow beat the Raiders.

39. Q: Why is Alabama college football so strong?

A: Because they’re all one big family.

40. Q: Do you know the footballer who lost 75% of his spine?

A: He’s a quarterback

41. Q: What would you call two nuns and a hooker playing football?

A: Two tight ends and a wild receiver

42. Q: A boat full of polite football players is called what?

A: A good sportsman ship.

43. Old quarterbacks never die. They just pass away.

44. Our linebacker is so strong he can even pitch horseshoes while they’re on the horse.

45. Q: How do football players spend the first week of training camp?

A: Studying the Miranda Rights.

Witty Puns About Football

Almost all football players are temperamental – Witty Football Puns

46. Q: How doTitans count to 10?

A: 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.

47. The best part of dating a Titans fan is that she won’t be asking for a ring.

48. Q: How are the Titans like my neighbors?

A: They can’t pick a single yard!

49. Q: Why did the Titan fan die from drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on him.

50. Q: How do you stop a Tennessee Titan fan from beating his wife?

A: Dress her in Indianapolis Blue and white.

51. Q: Did you hear about the beauty queen who lost her crown?

A: She had a couple of split ends.

52. Q: For what reason was the tight end reading a book on the twenty-yard line?

A: It was a red zone read.

53. Q: Did you hear about the fans who attended the Super Bowl?

A: They were having a ball!

54. Q: What do you call it when a football player suffers an injury in his last game before retirement?

A: Gridirony

55. Q: What is the only time you can knock someone out and not go to jail for it?

A: During a football match.

56. The away team kicked a new goal; it was a goal new ball game.

57. Q: Why does the skeleton not play football?

A: Because he was caught in the coffin corner.

58. Step away from the chicken; it is a personal fowl.

59. Q: What will you get if you cross a telephone with a fat split end?

A: A wide receiver.

60. Q: How did the defense know the halfback was going to run the ball?

A: He left the huddle crying.

61. Q: What do football players do when they feel overheated?

A: They get closer to the fans

62. Q: Which NFL player wears the biggest helmet?

A: The one with the biggest head obviously!

62. Q: What do you call a linemen’s kid?

A: A chip of the old blocker

63. Q: Who leads the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

A: The famous Captain Hook!

64. Q: Why is losing money in a payphone is like a football game

A: If you don’t get the quarterback you hit the receiver!

65. Q: What kind of ends do you find in libraries?

A: Book ends

66. Q: When is a football player like a judge?

A: When he sits on the bench

67. Q: What does it called when a dinosaur scores a touch down?

A: A dino Score

68. Q: Why can’t the Detroit Lions players back up into his own driveway?

A: Because they painted an end zone on it

69. Q: Why was the pig ejected from the football game?

A: He was playing dirty!

70. Q: What do you call 20+ Viking in a basement?

A: A wine cellar

Interesting One-Liner Jokes

71. Almost all football players are temperamental, that is, 90% temper and 10% mental.

72. The calm before the score.

73. My team is way behind on goals; they really need to ketchup.

74. Coach wants you to go into the game because he needs his substitute to take a knee.

75. If a first-round draft pick can be a bust, can a fifth-round pick be a boom?

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Hope you enjoyed our list of funny football jokes, puns and one-liners in this article.

Do you have any jokes and puns about football you may want to share with us?

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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